Ailing Grandma

I have just received bad news from home (Philippines). It seems that my grandmother "Lola", is ailing. There is no denying that my grandma is getting old. She misses my grandfather who passed away a year ago. They were each others bestfriend. I was told by my mom that Lola is getting weaker, she has lost a lot of weight and nobody is really taking care of her. You see, my grandma was the most caring, kind, generous and thoughtful person when she was still healthy. Now, she is becoming a shell of her former self. In my mind I can't seem to process my grief. I know in my heart I'm devastated by the news but I feel numb. I am in denial, I refuse to believe it. Therefor,I don't talk about it. I can't do that to my grandma. How I wish I could go home and take care of her before she passes away. My taking care of her will not even begin to pay for everything she has given me and my family. I miss her, I want to talk to her. I am a coward, I'm to afraid of my emotions. I miss her. If and when I do get a chance to see her again, I will beg for her forgiveness because I have forgotten her. I need to do my part in helping her out. If I cannot be there physically at least I can try and help monetarily. It won't be much but it is from the heart. I will be totally crushed if something happens to her. Not yet, I am not ready to loose her. Please Lord, watch over her.