BABY BLUES

One of the reason why I have been dragging my feet updating my blog is my depression. For 4 years now, I have been struggling with infertility. Well, I already had a baby and she is turning 5 this October. We have been trying to get pregnant and nothing seems to be happening. Its very very depressing and it gets more depressing when friends and family around you are getting pregnant with a drop of the hat. I am very happy for them but I am also crying deep inside. If you are going to say to take my time or maybe its not the right time, please save it. I have heard so many advice and it doesn't really help. Part of my brain processes all those advice but my heart cannot or is not able to accept the fact that I am not getting pregnant. The longing I feel inside is so strong that It takes over my mind and my whole body. Depression is an ugly thing and its hard to shake off.

Some days I am so happy and content that I forget about trying to get pregnant but 90% of the time it's all I think about. The longing and heartache is specially strong when I see an infant. My coupon buddy Allison knows how much I have been longing for a new baby. She was hesitant to tell me that she was pregnant but finally told me. I am happy for her but I wanted to yell and scream at the same time. My heart felt so broken, I had to force a smile. I am so glad she understands me. I don't want to be depress and sad anymore but I just can't help it.

JOY

I just want to say Congratulations to my sister for a health baby girl. She gave birth last March 31,2011 same day as my grandma's birthday. A few hours after we talked her bag of water broke. She was all alone in the house as my mom was in Ormoc for my grandmother's birthday. I felt so bad that she was all alone when it happened. Luckily my step dad was there to take her to the hospital. My mom left for Cebu as soon as she found out my sister was in labor. She got there before my sister had her baby. Ever since my sister is very good with kids and babies alike. She will be an excellent mama. I am so happy to welcome the newest addition to our family:

ALYSSA JOY CODILLA

GRAB AWAY

This was Kaitlyn at around 9 months old. I should have known back then that when it comes to food I better not mess around, lol.. At age 3 she eats like an adult and tries about everything except veggies. She is not found of veggies at all, takes after me. Kaitlyn is developmentally advance on some areas but also late on other. She got her chompers late at around 14 months. However, she was walking by 10 months. At 3 months old she had her first taste of solid food which was pot roast, by 6 months she was eating solid food like rice and other stuff. I wonder how she did it when she didn't have any teeth,lol. Needless to say I guess she just gummed it and swallowed just like the cheerios on this video.. I miss her being this small...

Watch how she grabs the cheerios even before I placed it on her tray, as if she was starved and never given food,lol

MISSING THE CLOSENESS

August and September has been a busy and stressful month for me. We went to a birthday party, had Kayla's birthday and attended a wedding last Saturday. I am so glad that it is over but there is yet more to come. Next month were attending another wedding, a birthday party and of course Kaitlyn's 3rd and Ralph's 41st birthday. I am going to be so broke, but hey money can always be earned. Any how while at Ralph's nieces wedding I saw such a gorgeous little baby. She was so tiny, reminded me so much of Kaitlyn when she was a baby. I wanted to hold that baby so bad and just smell her. I had to hold back the urge to ask the mom which happens to be a relative or Ralph's if I could hold her sweet baby, I know she wouldn't mind one bit. Seeing her breast feed her baby got me teary eyed. How I wish I could have breastfed my baby longer than 6 months. I was kicking myself for not searching online about how to increase breast milk production. Maybe If I had, I would have been able to breastfed her longer. One of the factor that caused my milk to dry up was the fact that Kaitlyn was already eating baby food by 3 months and by 6 months she was already eating solid foods. I only had to breastfeed her when she takes naps and at night. I missed that closeness, the feeling of having her on my breast and knowing I am the one providing her nourishment. If ever I get pregnant again I will make sure to increase my milk production.