The STRANGER I KNOW

It was 30 years ago that a beautiful young mother welcomed her second child to the world. She describes the infant like snowhite :

hair as black as night

lips red as a rose and

skin as white as snow

The infant joined a family consisting of a man,a woman and a sibling. This people are no stranger to her,they became her lifeline,her safety net and source of joy. Little did she know that it was about to change. The family she once thought was strong ,was slowling crumbling before her eyes. Closing her eyes to the truth was not an option, she had to open them and saw how he left. She could not undertand why from a family of 4 they had become 3. Crying and praying day and night she did a lot, even resorting to calling out his name in a big jug to come home. Every birthdays she waits and hopes to see a familiar face once again only to have her hopes dashed as every sun sets in the horizon. She question why, she tries to make it easier for herself. She was in denial. For years she would pray for him to come back and make them whole again, keeps hoping but hopes can only last for so long. Until one day she woke up with a smile in her face. Accepting the fact that a 3 was ok lifted her up and gave her a new prospective look on life.

Moving on was her next step,with that she learned, to embrace the present and let go of the past, memories started to fade. Connecting to a once broken bridge was done and again she was subjected to this past hurt she had tried to bury. One question was asked from her

do you miss him?

A simple answer was all she could say : "no"

"how do you miss someone you dont know?"

She saw Him again but in a different light, do you know what she saw ?

Her papa,how can she call him that? Since his absence time has changed what was in her heart,he lost and became a father. The papa she once knew no longer exist. Thankful for his part in creating her she is grateful for that. All praise and love flows abundant to the waterfalls of a mother's love. I will forever love you my mother.

As for The MAN , he is my FATHER. I know him but yet he is a stranger. And that is why he is :

THE STRANGER I KNOW.....

MORNING BIRD OR NIGHT OWL?

Which one are you ?

MORNING BIRD

OR

NIGHT OWL

I Myself prefer being a night owl. I just hate waking up early in the morning where its cold, the sun is shinning in your eyes and i don't know,maybe I'm just staying up to late,lol...My step dad however is a morning bird. No matter what time he sleeps at night he always wakes up early in the morning and take note,he is not a grouch in the morning..For my mum,sister and myself we prefer the night. My mum would stay up until the wee ours of the morning cleaning,doing stuff or making fashion accessories. Basically my sister and I are the same. I like the stillness and the privacy the night offers. I feel i can do more and nobody is interrupting what I'm doing hence,making work faster and quicker.The cover of night allows my thoughts to go wonder about and i can talk to myself and not worry that someone might hear and think I'm crazy. I guess its my own way of connecting to myself and allowing time to just sway around me.When I'm up at night i don't feel and sense the urgency of time.Its as if time has stood still for me so i can do all my thinking and whatever. I de-stress myself at night,its like I'm reborn. Crazy huh? but i guess i got it from my mum.

The opening of school makes me shudder. I will have to wake up around 6 in the morning to take care of my stepdaughter and get her set up for school. I am very grouchy and touchy in the morning,i don't want to take out my grouchiness on my kids. That's not all, autumn is just lurking around the corner. and before we know it,winter is here..Winter and waking up early is surely a big test for me being a mom. I dread winter time where its freezing cold and i have to go out and stay with my stepdaughter and wait for her bus. That's going to be interesting,lol..

The only solution i see to this dilemmas is to start sleeping early at night and avoid taking naps in the afternoon with the baby. With my husbands help I'm sure i can manage it. It will just take a little getting use to.

So early morning worms be warned! the new early morning bird is coming right at you!!!

TWO MOTHERS

As a Mother and a Stepmom ,how do yo prepare yourself from questions like

" how come she has two mommies",

"why do we have different mommies?",

" why is my mommy not here" ,

"what is a stepmom"

These are just few of the question i fear to hear and dont really know how to answer. I got my test on the first question. My husband's nieces are staying with us for the week. Ashley whose 8 yrs old asked me in a very serious way "how come she has two mommies?" pertaining to my stepdaugther kayla. I was caught offguard that i just gave her a lame answer.I told her that i was Kayla's stepmom and that her mommy lives somewhere else. And she proceeded to ask me why Kayla would want to stay here rather than her mommy. I just said she wants to be with her daddy,baby sister ,grandma,me and her cuzns. Its not that she doesnt love her mommy any less she just wants to be with her daddy and baby sister more.

I thought i was going to hear this questions from my stepdaughter herself but she is just 5 yrs old. The first few days that she saw her baby sister she was so confused as to who her baby sister's mom was. She had a hard time understanding why i was her baby sister's mommy.At her age she will one day ask me one or all of those questions.

If Kayla would ask me now why she has two mommies i would answer her this way

you didnt live in my belly when you were still a baby like your sister Kaitlyn.but when i met you,you grew in my heart. I am your second mommy.Became one from the day you first gave me a hug.

I just hope that what i tell her will be enough to answer her questions.

If whoever reads and were asked this questions, what would your answer be?

A CHILD ONCE MORE

I have forgotten how much fun,i had with so many simple things in life. The sheer joy i get from the daring adventure and trouble we got ourselves into. Brings back so many memories painful,happy,sad and all the likes a child feels. If i could only close my eyes and go back when i was between teh ages of 5-10. Everything was alright in my eyes,i didnt know what life was really about. All i cared about was playing,eating and being with my mum and my sister. I had to idea things were going to change so drastically. My cuzns one the paternal and maternal sides i still had a close relationship and nothing marred that.My maternal cousins the MAGLASANG'S were all neighbors back then. And i go back and forth and spend time with my paternal cousins the CODILLA'S as well.

It was different for each sides,with the Maglasang clan we just played all day long just Mitzi,Regi,Dominic,Brigitte and I. We would all meet up at where else?Grandmas! She had a huge backyard for a playground. Superhero were among many of the games we played and we had costumes to prove it. I was Supergirl, Mitzi was the Indian girl, Dominic was Spiderman and Brigitte and Regi bieng sisters were the Batgirls. Our games were simple, we pluck flowers from my grandma's many flower pors and stick the petals to our fingers with our saliva for glue like it was nail polish. Like normal kids we had fight and had alliances and who would surrender first. Those were the days. We would go to LAO (farm) and just climb the many fruits that was abundant around the farm. We had our fill of the fruits of nature and that was all that we would it.

My cuzn's nanny could make little things form the pomelo skins and accessories from the palm leaves of a coconut tree. There was no stopping us,we playes like there was no tomorrow. Everything we wanted we got. Toys we had plenty, toys that was from nature. KAmbantog (log cabin) was one of the few places we loved going,it was cold but we were warmed by each others laughter and presence. Picturisque view of the mountaintop,animals and ponds. My grandparents had a fishpond and we were asked to catch some frogs for my grandma to cut up and feed to the fishes. I had the best memories as a child.

The CODILLA clan was different experience altogether. Wrestling shows was just one of the many things we like to watch and our own wrestling hero's were our uncles. Playing hide and seek was a favorite of all except for one,and that was melanie. She was always the one who has to look for us. We bullied her so much as she was the tattle tale in the group and the cry baby. I feel bad for the way we treated her back then but we loved each other. Swimming in the pool from sunrise till sunset,getting burned from the sun and a stomach full of chips and fruits. Grandparents had a COCKFIGHTING ARENA were were would go and just brad to the other kids around about how we owned it,lol. Bat hunting was a big big thing .Like in the movies we thought that if we bring a bat into the sunlight it would catch on fire. How sillly we were back then. We were so close and had so much fun.

Then we grew up. Things happened that was beyond my control. I lost touch of my Codilla cousin's and Relatives. Bridge that was once sturdy from childhood had gone weak from time . I have have done my best for rebuild it.

I wish i could turn back time and be a child once more...

COMPUTER SAVY OR A KNUCKLEHEAD

Trying to figure out how to maneuver my way thru this blogging gig is creating a SHORT CIRCUIT in MY BRAIN!!!

I am not a computer whiz or anything close to it, i call myself the knucklehead for not being

able to figure out the simplest of directions! and ggrrrrrrhhh! it is driving me up the wall. I am not embarrass to admit to my friends that i don't know anything about computers. Atop from getting tired from taking care of the kids i get a throbbing headache figuring out things here . but hey,soon enough I'm pretty pretty sure ill get the handle around things here.Its just gonna need some time and more trial and error and if worse comes to worse ill just call on to my friends to rescue me from this tangled mess that i have made for myself.

Relax,breathe and just write...

Blogging is suppose to be like your online journal. Well,at least i have a place to write all the things i gripe and whine about and all the things i am most thankful for. I just need to focus and think.My husband hates when i feel sorry for myself and when i get this self doubt thing going on. It doesn't happen all the time. I have to be positive.. A good nights rest to clear my foggy overworked brain today will do me fine.

Remember : your one hot smart sexy mama!!!!

QUENCH

QUENCH = To slake; satisfy

almost quivering,yet still sane for you.

the feel or your makes me just unwind from the hot summer sun.

the fizz of your hot breath just swirl around my senses and makes my mouth water.

swirling in your icy cold dark body,i must have you.

the sweet bite of you on my lips sends tanlizing desire for your taste.

the first gulp sends and explotion of hunger,one of sweet surrender

and warm hot summer night.nothing can quench me but you.

tonight i will meet you in my dreams just you and I my sweetdrink

..i thirst for you ..

my dark ,cold ,pliable

COCA COLA...

for some unexplanable reason i have been craving coca cola like crazy.nothing can quench my thirst but this.could it be im pregnant?or could it one of those days that i must have what my body craves. in a couple of weeks i will have my answer.

WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN

WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN

We've only just begun to live,White lace and promise

At 30 I am just starting my new life ,a journey of discovery of hope ,fears and anticipation. Marriage is not all white lace and promises ,Its a combined effort of two halves made to be whole. Some cracks maybe visible some not .Patching up a marriage as soon as trouble brews should be the priority.Rekindling the emotions that are dying or fading is the key. GOD ,faith and hope will be the answer.

A kiss for luck and we're on our way.

And yes, We've just begun.

He uses our kisses and hugs like a talisman every time he steps out the door and enters another,the door of police enforcement.This will not guarantee his safety but gives US strength to face each new day that breaks.

Before the rising sun we fly,So many roads to choose

We start out walking and learn to run.

We choose the road of marriage and parenthood. A road filled with trust in our selves and each other. A road you might say that is travelled by most people. Some have successfully ended the journey together stronger and closer, some have broken free from the once that was whole. Its more that just a hurdle of pain,failure and defeat, but also an open space for love,trust,faith and hope. We started out as just the three of US. My husband and I and his daughter. The we came into full circle the day my first child was born.

And yes, We've just begun.

Sharing horizons that are new to us,Watching the signs along the way,

Talking it over just the two of us,

Working together day to day Together.

And when the evening comes we smile,So much of life ahead

We'll find a place where there's room to grow,

Growing together as couple and as parents have been enlightening. It was like i have been woken up from a deep slumber of sleep that once was my life. At the end of the day its just going to be You and I holding each others hand and cheering each other up along the way ,we will grow were there will be more room for love and each other.

And yes, We've just begun.

and yes,this is just the start of something great much more than you and I. Its the beginning of another life. A life we can only hope our children will have. Someday we will have peace in our hearts that in years to come we will be crossing what we have began You and I will reach the end together with our Talisman

OUR CHILDREN